It’s not fear, unless fear is the same as terror cause then it might be fear just a ‘lil bit

12.45am.

The alarm will go off in 5 hours. I have been asleep already once tonight. For an hour. The terrible need to pee woke me and now I’m screwed. I have heartburn, which is really making me cranky.

In 6.5 hours, I start treatment. I’m scared it won’t work, that I’ll react badly and see things on ultrasounds that should not be on scans of healthy babies.

We only get one chance with this. It has to work.

I’m so far awake it’s almost embarrassing. How come I don’t feel this alert when I need to? The house could burn down any other night and I would miss the whole thing. Tonight? Don’t breathe like that!

Today. Day one, of twenty one.

Maybe that’s not heartburn. Maybe it’s fear.

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One Response to It’s not fear, unless fear is the same as terror cause then it might be fear just a ‘lil bit

  • Vicky says:

    The first day is always harder, each day will get better and better and next thing you know you won’t be able to sleep because you have a big Ole’ beach ball for a belly.

    [Reply]

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