Re: Notice to remedy breach.
You better believe IT IS ON.
To the people.
I received your letter / note / memo….thing.. I run this house , you are just going to have to deal with it. You are my people. Which is why it should pain me to tell you that it’s your fault. All of it. ( For the record – it wasn’t painful to say that in the least.) You simply do not care about me enough. Now, due to the instability of my little paws , on your ridiculously sized keypad, (haven’t I told you to fix that, numerous times?) I am going to submit into evidence, the following.
You will notice in this photograph I am asleep. I do this a lot, in fact, it’s one of my most favourite pastimes. I like sleeping. I do not like it when people sneak up on me, take photos with the flash on and then ruffle my well-groomed hairs and wake me up. Consider the night-time jaunts around the house as payback. Or Karma. Also, I am not the only one getting up multiple times to pee. Think on that for a moment.
What on earth were you thinking, you bat-shit crazy woman. I am entitled to sit in the tub without you filling it, and massaging smelly crap all over me, and then holding me under the faucet. Bringing the smallest member of the family in to “help” is just an added indignity, one that infuriates me.
On that note – the smallest member of the family? Needs to stop standing on my tail. It’s big, it’s bushy and I keep it right in front of her so she can see it at all times. Yet she continues to tramp her oversized Dora the explorer sneakers all over my very beautiful, and fragile body parts. You WILL sort this out. Or I will bring untold wrath down on your bedspreads while you are absent during the daylight hours.
There you have it. I eat. I sleep, and I run this house.
You wake me up, and you wash me. occasionally, you stand on me.
No jury in the world would convict me. Not when I look like this..
Face it, you are MY people and you are stuck with me.
You can feed me now.