It’s peaceful. Deceptively quiet. Isn’t there supposed to be thrashing around? Fighting, or aggression? Surely there should be something clear, a clear signal. But, not unlike actual drowning falling into the pit of desperation and depression isn’t signaled with a crash of cymbals that makes others aware. Rather, it sneaks up, quietly, and like a ripple across a pond pulls you deep into it’s depths leaving those left behind scratching their heads and wondering just where that lively and friendly person has gone. It happens so fast.
I think as a adults we are responsible for our mental health, within a certain degree. Certainly, I believe depression is caused by a hormone or chemical imbalance in a persons brain. But don’t we have to accept responsibility for ourselves in this as well? Don’t we have to take control of our lives, and seek out the things that make us sad, seek out those around us who influence us negatively and be proactive in removing them from our lives? I don’t claim to be perfect at doing this – indeed digging through those parts of yourself that you don’t particularly like or aren’t proud of can be entirely demoralizing and disheartening. Looking at the things in other people that you don’t like or disagree with and seeing and acknowledging those things in yourself is brutal! Nobody likes to think they are just like the people they can’t stand. The cold truth is that many, many of us are. In fact, it’s often our similarities that make us so volatile. After all, if you don’t like them but you’re just like them, then you don’t like yourself either.
Accepting responsiblity for your mental health means letting things go. It means accepting apologies that are proffered to you, it means offering them genuinely for what they are. Not every relationship that ends has to be coated in bitterness, bitching and nasty inuendo. It’s healthy for people to go their separate ways, for things to draw to a natural conclusion. If you agonize over every ended relationship, over ever facet of something, and pick it to pieces you will drive yourself to madness. It drove me to madness. It’s been a hard lesson to learn, but finally – I get it.